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" IT WILL BE OKAY" 

Real Estate Divorce Specialist (REDS)

" WITH THE ANXIETY AND CONFRONTATION OF DIVORCE, I BRING CALMNESS AND CLARITY ."

Transitions create stress and bring many new questions. With divorce comes many questions and fears. Among the few are: Will I be ok, will my children be ok. Will I survive it all. You are not crazy, you are simply being asked to make some of the most important decisions of your lives under the most painful and stressful of circumstances. It is difficult to be reasonable and sensible under such pressure.

Having experienced divorce myself, I know first hand the feelings you are going through during and after a divorce. The loveliness, fear, anxiety and grief of the loss of a partnership, as well as having to leave the home that your children where brought up in. There is a brand new future around the bend of divorce. "It will be okay."

Always remember to laugh, even though things right now seem tough.

*video was found on Ellen DeGeneres youtube page

 

FIVE EMOTIONAL STAGES OF MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN*

While every divorce is different, there are 5 key stages that one may go through in the process of a divorce; the understanding of these 5 stages will make to understand why you feel the way you are.

1. Denial and Isolation ("It is not happening to me... Something else is wrong")

If the marriage has indeed ended for one partner but not the other denial can be a powerful obstacle. A characteristic response is " if I ignore this problem, it will blow over," "they'll change,"  " they promised it would never happen again." For those experiencing marital difficulties or other family problems, a likely first response is to deny, deny, deny.This can be both tragic and painful for the people involved.

2. Anger ("It is happening to me.... and I hate it.")

Denial can be replaced with anger. The anger may be directed against the other spouse, It is at this stage that most consult a family law lawyer and the truth is finally accepted. Beware- this stage has been known to last a long time.

3. Bargaining ("If I do this, maybe you will do that.")

This phase maybe an attempt to postpone the inevitable. Promises, often unrealistic ones, are made in the hope of buying more time. Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, such promises are rarely wise or kept. A "settlement" achieved during this phase often can be a waste of time and money.

4. Depression ("I'm losing my past and I have no future.")

For the couple undergoing marriage breakdown, depression is understandable. Reactive depression may be in response to the loss of things such as " their best friend," "their life partner," a sense of family time with their children, the family home. Discovering their will be no more anniversaries is hurtful, lowering the standard of living is tough, and so on.

5. Acceptance ("I've got things I want to do.")

At this stage they have accepted the end of the marriage and will not see the dispute or court process as offering a meaningful or desirable link with the other spouse. It is as if suddenly everything has become clear. Settlement proposals suddenly seem worthy of consideration. If the marriage is truly over, then the final loose ends should be tied up. The chapter of life that was the marriage must be closed. Suddenly planning seems worthwhile, new events have meaning and the past is just that-past.

What is important in the stage is the willingness to reconstruct or start again. No one should be embarrassed about this experience because, it is a natural evolution of feelings. You should be angry and depressed-you are going through something that is awful. The best you can do sometimes is to just understand it, roll with it and recognize that it will all pass and you will move on.

IT WILL BE OKAY

* All information from this section was found from "Surviving your Divorce" by Michael G. Cochrane.